


i'd get you the moon

by seungsiks (galacticnik)



Category: UP10TION
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, And then they were roommates, Epistolary, I genuinely have no idea what I'm doing, I'm just here to have a good time, M/M, it's all in letters/notes format, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticnik/pseuds/seungsiks
Summary: Hey roomie,I’ve been thinking about how weird it is that we’ve been sharing a dorm for two weeks and still haven’t met face to face.Or: Wooseok's new roommate resorts to communicating with him via handwritten notes.
Relationships: Kim Wooseok | Wooshin & Lee Jinhyuk, Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk
Comments: 18
Kudos: 165





	i'd get you the moon

**Author's Note:**

> barely edited and written on like 0 sleep. i just love weishin and wanted to do something for them ):

_**SEPTEMBER** _

Hey roomie,

I’ve been thinking about how weird it is that we’ve been sharing a dorm for two weeks and still haven’t met face to face. That’s really the whole reason why I wanted to write you this letter, though now that I’m like, actually sitting here and drafting it I kind of wish I didn’t. Like, are we living in 1967? No. Maybe we should call this a note instead. It’s not a letter if I don’t put it in an envelope, right? Okay, yeah, that’s not the point here. Moving onto the real purpose of this Note… 

Seriously, two weeks of sharing a room and I have no idea what you look or sound like. I’ve seen some of your stuff lying around, but even then, you’re an enigma aside from the fact that you like to read trashy romance comics and sleep with three pillows. For the record, I didn’t snoop! Honest. I was just bored one day and your bookshelf was right there and… you know how it goes. I feel like this isn’t normal, but when I talked to our RA about it yesterday, he said this sounds on brand for you. Which, I guess I respect, but _man_. 

My friends are convinced you’re either (1) a serial killer or (2) spend all your time in a secret sex dungeon. My friends are also pretty stupid. I know it’s more likely that we just run on different schedules, but I hope it’s not… well, because of me? I would hate to be the reason you don’t feel comfortable in your own dorm. If I did something offensive or dumb or, hey, if you were just repelled by the sight of my sleeping face, I’m sorry and I’ll do my best to fix it. 

… You could just be a vampire too. I’d be cool with that. Vampires are kinda sexy. I wouldn’t mind living with one. The blood drinking situation is a little messy, but I offer myself for the succ. 

Haha. Kidding. 

Anyway, I’d like to meet you soon! Formally, informally, whatever works. We’re going to be living together for the rest of the semester at least, so I think it would be nice if we could… recognize each other in the hallways, at least? No pressure or anything, but I would also like to prove to myself that you’re a real boy. 

~~Why do I sound so creepy?~~

Hoping you already know my name but in case you don’t—this has been Lee Jinhyuk!

★

BTW: I did your laundry! Sorry about my (lack of) folding skills. I tried. 

You’re welcome :) 

★

Addendum to the other note: I don’t have a vampire kink or anything!!!!!!!! Just so you know!!!!!!!!!!

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Jinhyuk, 

I was wondering why my cardigan smelled so floral. Thank you for doing my laundry. I was planning to tackle it this weekend, but I lost track of time. You’re not my maid, though. You don’t have to clean up after me. What I’m trying to say is—I appreciate the gesture, but it was completely unnecessary. I can take care of myself. 

Re: my schedule, I’m in pre-law and I essentially live in the library this time of year. Sometimes I’ll crash at a friend’s place since he lives near the library and I’m usually too exhausted to carry my things all the way across campus back to ~~my~~ our room. 

Trust me, it’s not you. I’m not avoiding you or the room on purpose. I’m just used to this routine by now and I never considered changing it. If it’s any consolation, my former roommate eventually got used to it as well. Actually, it might be more appropriate to say he didn’t care? It doesn’t matter either way. 

~~I’m not used to people caring. Why do _you_ care? ~~

Sorry to crush your erotic(?) dreams. I’m not a vampire. Sometimes I wish I was, but eternal life would be awful after some time. 

I wouldn’t mind officially meeting you soon. Whenever my workload eases up (LOL) (I’m still laughing) (LOOOL). 

Wooseok

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

Okay. Yes. About the scent—I may have thrown more than the recommended number of dryer sheets into the dryer with your clothes and they may have been scented but it’s fine! I’ll be more careful from now on. 

Also, it was really no problem. I’m not like, going out of my way to do things for you. It’s just, I’m already doing them for myself so it makes sense to get everything out of the way at once? Plus you seem like you have a lot on your plate already, so if I can help out in anyway, I don’t mind. We’re roommates, right? I have your back! 

Pre-law sounds like a cruel and unusual punishment. You don’t have to do this to yourself, Wooseok. You can still get out. Blink twice if you’re being held hostage…! Haha, just kidding. I think that’s pretty impressive of you, to be honest. Not saying I’m stupid, but I’m… probably too stupid to manage something like that. The workload alone makes me want to die a bit. How do you survive it?

Also, I could never sleep in the library. I need my bed. 

You know, if you think about it, lawyers are a _kind_ of bloodsucking leech. Definitely less erotic. Who has sex fantasies about lawyers when there are better jobs to jerk off to? With uniforms? 

(Please don’t ask me to elaborate on this subject. I shan’t.)

Prayer hands emoji academia releases its’ death grip on you soon. I think we’re long overdue for a roommate bonding session! In the meantime, hang in there. 

Jinhyuk

PS. I hope it’s not creepy that I’ve been making your bed for you in the mornings, but you really need to stop living like a slob, my dude. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Jinhyuk,

You’re _unusually_ nice. Do you need something from me? Are you secretly plotting my demise? Did you find material to blackmail me with in our shared room? What’s your ulterior motive? You have to have one. I refuse to believe otherwise. ~~We’ve never even met; you have no other reason to be nice to me.~~

Sorry to disappoint, but I’m here by choice. I suppose in a way I’m technically being held hostage by my parents; it was always their dream that I become a lawyer. The decision to actually pursue it was mine, but I’m not all that passionate about it yet, and I don't know if I ever will be. I’m still doing my best here because I don’t want to upset them, but sometimes I think I’m using their expectations as an excuse when in reality I just don’t know what else I want to do with my life. Following the path they set out for me seems like the easier option than rebelling without a cause. 

I didn’t mean to unload all that on you. I’m sorry. 

I suppose I don’t really ‘survive’ my workload so much as sleepwalk through it. Speaking of which, I haven’t slept in three days. I miss my bed too. 

No, please elaborate. What professions do people have sex fantasies about? 

Are you sure you want to spend time with me that badly? I’m not very exciting, and my face definitely isn’t worth all the anticipation. You might be disappointed. 

Wooseok 

PS. Stop acting like my mom. 

But I’ll try to keep my side of the room a little tidier. Sorry and thank you again. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

Hey…! There is NO ulterior motive! I do things for people because (1) I like being helpful and (2) I’m a nice guy! I’m plotting things, though. I’m plotting… how to make your life easier! I’ll keep annoying you with kindness until I move out… be prepared. 

But man, that’s… shitty. I’m sorry. I can kind of relate. I mean, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life after I graduated from high school, but my parents wanted me to attend university, so I did without really committing to any major. In my first year, I just sampled a bit of everything before I finally settled on Sport Management, but I’m behind by a whole year and it’s frustrating as _shit_ because I can’t catch up. 

I guess my thing is different from your thing, but I just wanted to say that—solidarity. Life sucks? 

Okay, to get real for a second: I think there’s no easy answer or solution to your problem, but the fact that you are trying your best is really, really admirable. There’s no real shame in doing something because your parents want you to, or because you don’t know what you want to do. I mean, you can figure it out as you go along. In the meantime, you don’t have to like, push yourself really hard if you're doing this out of obligation? 

I'm really bad at giving advice, so you could also just ignore me if you want. I dunno. Just don't beat yourself up over it? 

Your bed's waiting for you! Fully made, crying out, ~~waiting for your body to slide into~~

This is travelling in a really weird direction and I don't like it so I'll end it here. 

ABSOLUTELY NOT I WILL NOT DISCUSS MY SEX FANTASIES WITH YOU BEGONE DEMON.

For the record: policeman, firefighter, doctor, in that order. 

): I think you're exciting! And easy to talk to. I don't think I would be disappointed in you. I'm really easy to please. Don't be afraid ~

(You know, I tried to stay up last night to see if I could catch you coming in. I mean, some slightly less creepy context: I was cramming for anyway but I only managed to make it to 12:30 am before passing the fuck out. WHEN did you get in?? How do you live like this?? Are your veins full of coffee??? Are you sure you’re not a creature of the night?? I have so many questions. Help.)

Jinhyuk

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Jinhyuk, 

Life does suck, but I suppose you could possibly be a genuinely nice person? Thank you for the box of Korean snacks you left on my desk. It was... a welcome surprise to come back to. I still think you may have an ulterior motive deep, deep, deep down, but I'll accept your kindness for now. 

~~Reading your notes makes my day suck a little less.~~

You're not bad at giving advice. It helped. 

Travel on. I'm amused. You might be a nice person but I'm not, and this is great potential blackmail material.

I didn't ask anything about your sex fantasies in particular. Interesting. But for the record, you're right. 

I am 90% coffee, yeah. I drink so much of it every day that I think I've built up immunity to it because it just doesn't work on my anymore. I still drink it, but it doesn't help me stay awake. Last night I passed out in the library despite drinking six cups and the security guard had to kick me out when he did his rounds before locking up. 

I'm starting to think this might not be healthy? 

I might try to get back a little earlier tonight. 

Maybe I'll see you then.

Wooseok

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS ASLEEP WHEN YOU CAME IN LAST NIGHT. 

No. I'm calm.

OKAY NO I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!

I went to volleyball team practice after class and I guess I was so tired I just passed out as soon as I got back to the dorm?? I was going to try and stay up to say hi, I swear, but my eyes just closed on their own. This sucks please come back to me TT__TT

Round two today, let's go! I promise not to fall asleep on you. I'll even make you dinner ♥ 

Jinhyuk

PS. Glad you liked the snacks! My mom sent me a care package with way too much stuff so I thought the right thing to do would be to share it with you. I have a lot more snacks hidden under my bed, so if you're ever hungry, help yourself! 

PPS. She also sent me an extra blanket if you want it? It’s pretty warm and the one you’re using looks like it’s seen better days. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

J—

Yes, I want the blanket. 

See you tonight.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

I know it's weird to still write these notes now that I have your phone number (no, I won't abuse this privilege) but I think it's just habit at this point. I'm used to starting my day like this, hand cramps and all. I guess you get to suffer my handwriting for a bit longer. RIP to you. 

I'm really glad we finally got the chance to meet you face to face (!!!!) after four whole weeks. I’m sorry I kind of ruined it by being me. Thanks for bandaging my wound, anyway. Without you I probably would've bled to death. Haha, kidding, but like, if anyone ever asks about the eventual scar I'm going to have, please invent a sexier story to explain it than "I sliced my hand open while trying to cook dinner for my roommate." 

Ahem. 

As promised I have booked us tickets for the movie next Friday so you're absolutely not allowed to back out or say you have too much work to do because (1) this is our hot boy fall and we will not spend it locked up in the library (I have a recording of you saying this, don’t protest) and (2) this is our long overdue roommate bonding time and you can’t get out of it or I’ll stop doing your laundry. I mean it! >:( 

Jinhyuk

PS. Your face was totally worth all the ~anticipation~. You’re handsome! Way more handsome than me. Too handsome to be a lawyer. Wow, some people get brains and beauty, huh? 

I think my bicep is bigger than yours, though. Shh, just let me have this.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

J—

Flatterer. 

Your threats aren't scary at all, but you calling this 'hot boy fall' is disturbing. Please stop. 

Looking forward to our bonding time, roomie.

W

PS. Acknowledged. Your bicep puts mine to shame. Happy?

* * *

_**OCTOBER** _

Please don’t ask why all of our clothes are pink

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok, why are all of our clothes pink?

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

I tried to do the laundry, and I didn't notice the red sock, and

I'll replace everything. I was just trying to be helpful since you've done so much to help me but I suppose I was more sleep-deprived than I originally thought. That's no excuse. I just feel awful about this. 

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Dude. It’s fine. I look really good in pink. 

If you want to be helpful, get some proper sleep!!! Sometimes you give me stress headaches in that I am so stressed for you that it makes my brain rattle. You’re not going to get anywhere if you’re determined to die of exhaustion, you know? 

(Also, I refuse to let you die of exhaustion. I will do your homework for you if it means you can catch a phat napp in the afternoon, alright? You might... no, you probably will fail because I know shit-all about the law, but you won't have to do it!) 

Anyway, the Pinkening hasn't affected my hot boy fall in any way, so don't worry about it. But maybe let me handle laundry from now on?

J

PS. You put the fitted bedsheets on wrong but I fixed them! Don't you think I would make the perfect house husband? 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

I took a 'phat napp' this afternoon and ~~dreamt~~ thought of you. Are you proud of me? I'm practicing self-care (do naps count as self-care?). 

I still feel awful about the pink fiasco. I'll pay more attention in the future on the off chance you ever let me touch the laundry again. Is it obvious my mom used to do everything for me when I lived at home? 

You're right; pink is a good color on you, though. I saw you outside the bookstore with your girlfriend yesterday and the recently pinkened sweater you were wearing was nice. Although—

Your girlfriend didn't look happy with you. Was that sweater a gift from her? Was she mad? 

~~I hope I didn’t fuck that up for you.~~

W

PS. She's cute. Good job. 

PPS. Knowing how to put on a fitted bedsheet does not make you king of household chores. 

But yeah. I think you would. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wow... I'm proud of you. I really am. Welcome to a whole new world... the world of Naps! Now that you've succumbed to its siren song, you'll be taking more of these. I just know it. If I was a betting man, I’d bet real cash money on it—but don’t gamble, kids. It’s bad for you. 

You saw me on campus yesterday? I didn’t see you at all! I mean, I guess you are ~~small~~ pocket sized, but I think I still would’ve spotted you. Why didn’t you come say hi? We could have grabbed lunch. 

I wasn’t with my girlfriend, by the way. That was Sujeong; she’s a classmate and she was upset about this group project we’re working on. We got stuck with someone who refuses to pull their weight and… well, you know how it is. 

Next time you see me, say HELLO!

J

PS. Wooseok... are you trying to say you want me to be your house husband? I’ll consider it if you tell me how much you’re going to be earning :D

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

**_[Scribbled on a piece of paper before being crossed out with red pen and tossed in the trash.]_ **

~~Ah~~

~~Are you seeing anyone else, then?~~

~~Are you single?~~

~~Do you like~~

★

The Nap is your mistress, not mine. I won't take any more. I refuse. I'm stronger than this. 

(I took another nap today.)

Oh. I suppose I read the situation wrong then? You two just looked so comfortable with each other, I assumed you were together. Admittedly, I don’t have a lot of experience with romance in general. I’ve always been too busy to date so I don’t know what it would even theoretically look like. 

… Please do not make finding me a date one of your new 'hot boy fall' goals. 

W

PS. Stop trying to turn me into your sugar daddy. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

HA.

You can’t refuse the Nap! She’s a skilled temptress. Resistance is futile. 

Seriously, you look a lot better these days. Like, _actually_ human. Not that you didn’t look human before, but your dark circles are gone now and you don’t look like a Korean mom’s worst nightmare. My Wooseok-related stress headaches are even receding! 

Don’t worry about it! I guess I can understand why you thought that, but I’m single. On second thought, I probably shouldn’t announce that so proudly, haha. But I felt that; I’m too busy to date these days too, with school and the volleyball team and everything. Well, it’s not _your_ level of busy, but too busy to make a boyfriend or girlfriend happy? I think when you date someone, you should date them with your whole heart. You know, like make time for them and really put in the work instead of half-assing it. If I can’t do that, then it’s not fair to the other person, is it? 

But that’s really hard to do. Or maybe my standards are high? No wonder I’m single… 

Okay, by your command, hot boy fall is officially romance free! Guess you’re stuck with me and only me :’D 

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

_**[Scribbled on the back of an old shopping list, crossed out, crumpled, and shoved under the bed.]** _

~~I suppose that really takes me out of the running.~~

~~You deserve someone who would put in the work for you~~

~~I’d try~~

★

Hmm… who can say?

But I’m alright being stuck with you for now.

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

SURPRISE! 

Bet you thought I didn’t know it was your birthday, right? Okay, I actually didn’t know until Jinwook stopped by our room to remind me a couple of days ago, but I’m scrappy and resourceful and had just enough to try and put something together. HA! I wish I could see your face but I have to run to volleyball practice and you’ll probably see this before I get back. Take a selfie for me? Or not. Your choice! You’re the Birthday Boy. 

I hope you like your gift. 

GOTCHA.

Jinhyuk

PS. I will find you today and deliver a birthday cupcake to you at some point so please anticipate… I’ll be stealthy like a ninja. You will not see me coming. 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

_**[Written on a blank sheet of paper, X'd out, folded, and stuck at the back of a textbook.]** _

~~Jinhyuk,~~

~~You’re ridiculous, you know that? You didn’t have to go overboard with my birthday.~~

~~It’s just like any other day.~~

~~God, I want so badly to be annoyed at you, but I haven’t had seaweed soup for my birthday for years. I don’t even know where you got it from but it almost tasted like my mother’s. I can’t even get angry at the balloons taped to the door of our room or the birthday cupcake with the sparkler you ambushed me with in the library (even though I didn’t enjoy being chased out of there by the librarian). It was all so cheesy and unnecessary and it made me so goddamn _happy_. ~~

~~Your gift is massive. Did you know I haven’t kept up with this manga series since high school? Sophomore year onwards, I started spending a lot more time studying in the library and things like hobbies just didn’t seem as important as College. Who has time to read manga when you have the SAT to study for?~~

~~Why did you buy all the volumes missing from my bookshelf, anyway? Just one would have been perfectly fine. Nothing would’ve been fine too. I would have been fine with not acknowledging my birthday at all.~~

~~It was nice to feel special for a~~

~~Why are you so~~

~~I’m glad we m~~

★

Jinhyuk,

Thank you for the gift. I didn’t expect to receive anything today and it’s… perfect. 

I’m excited to catch up on the series this weekend.

You can borrow it once I’m done, if you want.

Wooseok

PS. I’m glad we’re ~~roommates~~ friends.

* * *

_**NOVEMBER** _

Guess whose mom sent him a giant care package again with a bunch of stuff labelled JINHYUK DO NOT TOUCH because (1) he stupidly told her about splitting the last one with his roommate and (2) she’s now determined to mom him For Reasons? It’s my package so why am I not allowed to touch the stuff! 

(Oh yeah, it’s me. In case that wasn’t clear enough.) 

Anyway! Don’t be alarmed I’m not trying to kill you with kindness or something, my mom is just extra. 

Enjoy!

Jinhyuk

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Please tell your mom thank you from me. Especially for the scarf. It’s starting to get chilly out here and I couldn’t find mine this morning so I wore the one she sent. 

It’s warm.

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Okay but where’s my thank you… Wooseok, you heartless man… I unpacked everything for you… and I didn’t even secretly steal half your snacks… 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Baby. 

Thank you.

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Are you calling me baby or calling me A Baby… 

If (1): o/////o

If (2): (҂⌣̀_⌣́)

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Baby.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

o//////o Oh Mr. Wooseok...

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

I’m so sorry about last night. I wasn't in my right mind and it was dark and I—

I’m sorry.

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

It’s fine! Don’t worry about it! It could happen to anyone. 

I mean… I guess… maybe not? Do people usually accidentally climb into bed with their roommate when they’re tired and just like, spend the entire night there? Tenderly spooning? ~~Why were you the big spoon?~~ Is this a normal thing?? Should I ask Minsoo about it?? 

I’m joking!! Blood pact: we never tell anyone. But seriously, it wasn’t that big of a deal. You just got the sides of the room mixed up because you were out late studying, right? And it’s my bad too. I should’ve woken you up when I realized you were there or kicked you off or carried you to your bed and I didn’t. 

~~Your sleeping face just looked so _peaceful_. And you were so warm that I didn’t want you to let go—~~

Hehe, well, I won’t always be that nice! Next time I will karate chop you awake, okay! Be warned!

Jinhyuk

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

**_[Written hastily and angrily on a piece of paper before being ripped into tiny pieces.]_ **

~~I don’t get you at all. I don’t.~~

~~Who even responds to a strange situation like this? You realize your new roommate is a freak who studies too much and hates showing his face so you go ahead and… what, do their laundry for them? Share snacks from home? Leave nice notes on their desk, make their bed in the morning, listen to their problems and actually give a shit? That isn’t normal. Who asked you to care so much? Why do you care so much? I don’t want to get used to relying on you.~~

~~Why do you have to be so understanding about this too? Isn’t it weird? Shouldn’t you be swearing at me instead of saying it’s okay? Maybe I wasn’t even all that tired when I crawled into your bed. Maybe I just really wanted to pretend for a moment that we~~

~~Maybe you just made me feel~~

~~Fuck~~

★

You’re allowed to get mad at me.

It won’t happen again. Sorry. 

W

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Wooseok,

Why would I get mad? Stuff happens. Besides, you were really warm and kinda… squishy? It made me want to buy a new body pillow for all these Cold Winter Nights. Is this me dropping a hint for a potential Christmas gift? Wink wink nudge nudge. Maybe

Unless…? You want to volunteer to be my body pillow from now on? Haha, just kidding! 

Seriously! It’s! Fine! Don’t! Get! Weird! About! It!

Jinhyuk

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

You want a _Frozen_ body pillow, don’t you? Weirdo. 

I’ll think about it.

W.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

I will not confirm or deny anything. 

Buuuuuuuuuuuuut speaking of _Frozen_! When _Frozen II_ comes out, you’ll watch with me, right? 

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Yeah, of course.

W.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

~~Great! It’s a date!~~

Awesome! I can’t wait.

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

_**[Shoved into the pocket of a pair of worn jeans and washed later with the rest of the laundry.]** _

~~On the way back from the theatre, I kept thinking about how I wanted to reach out and hold your hand. It’s stupid, I know, but I almost felt like if I had been brave enough, you would have let me.~~

~~I don’t remember much of the movie because I kept sneaking glances at you during the screening. You looked so happy that making the decision to skip my readings to come with you feels worth it. Has anyone ever told you that your smiles are like the sun? Warm, comforting, bright, out of reach.~~

~~I’d risk getting burned just to bask in their presence longer.~~

~~I wish I’d said yes when you ask me to come home with you for Thanksgiving break.~~

~~If you ask again, I might.~~

~~I’m think I’m a little weak for you~~

~~I think I might hate that~~

★

J

Thank you for dragging me out to the movie. It was (dare I say) fun. 

Have a nice Thanksgiving break. 

~~I’ll miss you.~~

W

* * *

_**DECEMBER** _

W

I know we haven’t gotten much of a chance to hang out ever since I got back but I hope you’re okay! And that you’re not studying too hard! Also that you’re eating your vegetables and remembering to stay hydrated! And sleeping! Please tell me you’re still a slave to the Napp. 

I’m worried about you. 

Also I miss you. 

I’ll make you dinner this week, and maybe I won’t even cut myself this time. How does stir fry sans blood sound? 

J

★

Not to be creepy but I noticed your bed was unmade this morning. I guess you’re crashing at your friend’s place for finals season? Good luck with your exams! I only have three this semester and I’m trying to study but head empty… I bet they’ll be a lot easier than yours, though. 

Can I pay you to take mine for me? 

(Kidding.)

(Unless…?)

(Kidding!!) 

J

★

It’s getting cold out there so I picked up a couple of heat packs from the campus store for myself and I had extras so I’m leaving some on your desk. I have been informed that the library gets drafty this time of year (I wouldn’t know… I’ve never stepped foot inside) so stay warm and don’t catch a cold! I won’t nurse you back to health if you do. 

Okay I would but I wouldn’t wear the outfit. 

Cheering you on!

J

★

I don’t really think you were kidnapped but I’m starting to wonder if you’ve been kidnapped. 

Send me a sign you’re alive. 

J

★

Okay I no longer believe you were kidnapped. Seungyoun said you crashed at his place last night which is great because at least I know you’re alive now. 

Don’t push yourself too hard. 

Also please talk to me I’m going crazy.

J

★

I swear I heard you come in last night but you’re not reading my notes. Did I do something to make you mad? I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever said or done. 

):

★

I take it back. I’m not sorry because you’re the one being a dick now. It’s fine if you don’t want to read my notes or talk to me and it’s fine if you want to bolt the other direction when I come looking for you in the library but just—

I don’t even know what I want from you. 

But it’s not this. 

★

Ignore my last note. Actually, don’t ignore it because I was really hurt when I wrote that and it’s still valid. But like, ignore it a little on the basis that I’m no longer angry with you. (Fine, I’m a little angry). I felt a lot better once I talked to Yein about all this and he helped me figure out a couple of things that I guess I was trying to avoid facing until now. 

Such as: 

**(1)** I spend a lot of time thinking about you. Or worrying. Or daydreaming. Maybe it’s not entirely normal or entirely friendly. You’re just… so much all at once, you know? You give me stress headaches because of your shitty sleeping habits and eating habits and the way you just seem so determined not to take care of yourself. It drives me insane. How am I supposed to not fret over that? How am I supposed to not care about you? How am I supposed to keep myself from trying to come up with new ways to show you that you matter to me in hopes that will make you start to take better care of yourself? 

Maybe I should just tape the ‘I care you’ monkey meme to your pillow.

No, sorry. I’m being serious. I don’t know how to turn this off. I don’t how to push you out of my mind. Most of the time I don’t even want to. You can be such a handful, but you’re also funny and thoughtful and caring in this really clumsy way that can be endearing and hilarious at the same time. You help me calm down when I get excited about things and you have this… energy when you tease me that makes me think I would act like an idiot for you any day of the week. 

Sometimes it scares me. 

**(2)** My day doesn’t feel complete until I talk to you. Doesn’t matter if it’s through notes with me trying to decipher your handwriting at nine in the morning, or sending you funny memes via text and getting only a single emoji in response, or dragging you out for coffee even though I know you hate the coffee shop on campus because it’s always crowded and loud. I don’t know when it became normal to start and end my day with you. I don’t know when I started to feel a little empty without you.

 **(3)** The first time I saw you, I didn’t cut myself because I’m bad in the kitchen. I’m actually a pretty good cook. I help my mom out all the time! It’s just that you walked in while I was chopping and said my name, and I didn’t expect you to look or sound like that. Kind of soft, you know? With your oversized sweater and round glasses and that small smile curving your lips, like you and I were in on some private joke. You were sort of breathtaking and I got distracted. 

I was planning to tell you eventually so we could laugh about it, but I don’t… I don’t want to force myself to laugh about the fact that I kind of fell a little bit in love with you in that moment. I don’t think I could handle getting clowned for that.

 **(4)** I keep thinking about how the best sleep I’ve ever gotten in my life was when you accidentally climbed into my bed. 

Also that for you I would happily be the big or little spoon. 

**(5)** I don’t want to be like your former roommate. I don’t want to get used to not having you around. I like being with you. I like spending time with you. I like _you_. It took me a stupidly long amount of time to figure out that the dumb mopey feeling in my chest these past two weeks has been because I miss you like crazy, and that I want to be with you as more than a roommate or a friend or that annoying dude you tolerate for reasons unknown. 

**(6)** Yeah, I really like you.

 **(7)** It’s pathetic.

 **(8)** On the flip side, I think my mom would be happy about this development. She had to hear a lot about you during Thanksgiving break. 

**(9)** I don’t know if you picked up on the vibes and left because you didn’t feel the same way, or if it’s something else. I don’t even know how you’re going to react to this note. I just think I had to tell you. You deserve to know. If it comes down to it, I’ll… move out next semester if you’re uncomfortable.

 **(10)** Just talk to me, please. 

— Jinhyuk 

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Jinhyuk,

I’m sorry. I apologize to you a lot, don’t I? I kept wanting to promise it’ll be the last time I do something to hurt you, but then I keep screwing up. 

I wasn’t going to read your notes until finals were over. I told myself I didn’t want to get distracted by you and risk doing badly on my exams. The funny thing is that I spent a lot of time thinking of you when I was supposed to be studying anyway, so I’m not sure how much that accomplished. 

I have one last exam to write tonight, but I don’t want to use finals as an excuse to run away from my feelings for you anymore.

So.

This is hard.

I’m not used to… people caring about me or caring about them in return. I’m not used to being taken care of, or used to anyone giving a shit about me or what I do. I push myself to the brink until I burn out. It’s just a fact of life. It gets me results. I don’t know how to function in any other way, and everyone just let me carry on like that until you. Frankly, you doing things for me freaked me out a bit—in a good way, ultimately, but I never knew how to respond to it. I still don’t, sometimes. My mind keeps telling me that you wouldn’t be nice without a reason, even when my heart tells me to just accept it. 

I was scared I’d start relying on you too much. And then, later, I was scared I was taking advantage of you in a way. And after that, I was just scared to lose… you, and your earnest, warm-hearted kindness. 

Can I admit something? I felt awful when I thought you had a girlfriend, but I think I felt worse when you confirmed that you didn’t. I already might’ve had a crush on you by then, but when you said that thing about dating someone with your entire heart? Making time to be with them, no half-assing it? I was worried I couldn’t do that. I’m sure you know by now that I’m not good at making time for things (I tried for you, but I’m still learning). I thought your expectations were a sign that I should be happy with the friendship you offered me, but—

You make it so difficult not to fall in love with you. 

I wonder if you’re even aware of it, or if all of this just comes unconsciously to you. Sometimes you grin at me and my breath catches in my throat because I’ve never met anyone who radiates as much goodness as you do. You’ll say something objectively stupid and I feel this insane swell of affection for you and it’s… terrifying. It’s terrifying to think about how soft I am for you, how much I want to be with you, although I know I don’t deserve it. 

Do you remember when we went to watch _Frozen II_ together? On the way back, I considered—briefly—telling you how I felt, but I backed down because I thought you wouldn’t like me back. You’d never really given me a sign, and I figured you were just this nice to everyone. And, God, even if I somehow mustered up the courage to go for it, though I knew you’d let me down gently if you didn’t feel the same, I didn’t want to hear it. 

(I regretted it later. It felt like then or never, and I’d just blown my one and only chance.)

While you were gone, I thought too much. I thought about our friendship. I thought about kissing you a lot. I thought about how I was supposed to pretend I didn’t have these feelings for you. I thought about how much easier things were when were two strangers and I’d never had the opportunity to be crushed into one of your surprisingly comforting hugs. I thought about how I didn’t want to screw this up and have to go back to the way things were, to a time without you. 

But I also didn’t know where to go from here. I was sure liking you was going to blow up in my face. I hated feeling vulnerable and like I was already halfway to a heartbreak, already anticipating rejection. I hated not having options. I hated—a lot of things, but myself most of all. So I ran, from you and from my feelings and from taking any action that could jeopardize our friendship. Which is something I suppose I did by running anyway. 

The more I stayed away, the harder it become to come back. But I missed you. I miss you. Your dumb jokes, your annoying laughter, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, even your bad handwriting and gentle nagging. The day in the library—I didn’t bolt because I didn’t want to see you. I bolted because I felt like if I spent another second with you I’d probably admit I was in love with you then and there. 

Maybe I should’ve. 

I’ll do it now. 

I really like you too. 

When I finish my exam, can we talk? 

Wooseok

* * *

_**JANUARY** _

W—

This is your daily reminder that someone (me) loves you. It might be too early to say “a whole lot” but I love you a whole lot. Insert gratuitous hearts here, hugs and kisses, all the cheesy things you will absolutely kick my ass for referencing but sue me I am in my honeymoon period. 

I don’t have practice today so hurry home!! Let’s… wink wink….

… watch anime together. 

(Also kiss a bunch.)

I miss you. 

J

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

J—

You’re embarrassing. 

I’ll be home early tonight. 

♡

I miss you too. 

W

PS. Please don’t put on One Piece again.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how i feel about this but i've been staring at it too long and i'm just going to yeet it into the world. also, formatting this made me want to cry!! this is not the fic weishin deserves from me but it's the fic weishin will get for now. thank you for reading! 


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